My girlfriend’s getaway last weekend wasn’t exactly all glam. Don’t get me wrong. It was fabulous, but en route I got a speeding ticket, my sty made a reappearance, we failed yet again to find a good dance place (I was taller than the lead singer of the live band at the beach bar we went to … and he was standing on a stage) and I came home with a canker sore.
Lovely I know, but enough whining.
Every year we always have a theme of sorts … usually based on the debaucherous (is that even a word) events of said weekend. In years past, we’ve had “ping pong,” “red tide” and “peace, love and roof envy.”
This year it was “peace, love and ballya.”
And, if you’re wondering why? Well, it was maybe because of certain conversation material interjected by yours truly. I’m not even entirely sure how we got there, but we got talking about the subject of … ahem … cough, cough … erm … balls.
Here’s how I think the conversation went …
Me (three sheets to the wind): “You know sometimes they never stop growing.”
Everyone (turns to look at me and says in unison): “What?”
Me (flustered, but feeling very important albeit pie eyed about revealing tidbit of knowledge): “Men’s balls.”
Everyone leans in for more as I explain away. You see, my family was in the assisted living industry and my hubby’s job with the company would sometimes have him listening to complaints from the elderly residents or their families. One day he had a resident’s wife pop in to his office to offer up one such complaint … and one that he’s been trying to erase from his memory since the day he heard it, but thanks to people like me who keep reminding him and the world of it … well, because every woman should know.
Resident’s wife: Can you do something about the water level in my husband’s toilet?
Hubby (expecting to be told the loo is blocked): Erm, what seems to be the exact problem.
Resident’s wife: Well, it’s unhygienic — you need to lower the water level in my husband’s toilet.
Hubby: What exactly are we talking about?
Resident’s wife: Every time he goes to the bathroom, his testicles dangle in the water.
Hubby: What the what?
Fast forward through the hubby’s combined embarrassment, bemusement and curiosity as he rang the director of nurses to tell her about the strange conversation only to learn that there is indeed an affliction that can occur in men where their balls never stop growing. Hence, the complaint in question.
So, after revealing this tale to my girlfriends and lots of obligatory ewwwww’ing, one of them piped up that this was the weekend of “peace, love and ballya.”
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On a side note, over here they have a product called truck nutz … it’s kind of difficult to explain so let me just show you …
Yes, folks … when driving over here in the deep South you too could be lucky enough to get stuck behind a similar truck with hanging whatever. It’s obiously an attempt to tell the world how big your balls are, but I’m not really sure. All I can do is chuckle and say out loud, duuuuuuuuuude, you have no idea …
Peace, love and ballya. Oh, and you’re welcome.
Tags: friendship, humour, life, Random, talk, Thoughts, truck nutz
*laughs hysterically*
OMG. Ew.
Now I can’t get the image of an old coot’s scrotum dangling in a toilet. Thanks.
I meant out of my mind. See, my mind has been affected by the image. I can’t even complete a proper sentence.
That is so funny made me really chuckle thank you xx
Oh good God.
Reminds me of that song…
“Do your balls hang low when you swing them to and fro, do you tie them in a knot or tie them in a bow?”
I can’t remember the rest of the words!!
You mentioned roofs so on a totally unrelated subject and since it’s the question I meant to ask every flippin day I was in Florida and never got round to it…. why don’t you guys have solar panels on your roofs? Any why do I have the urge to write rooves? Must be a throwback to a 1970s education.
Our homeowner’s association denied our request to put up solar planning, but for those who can do it but don’t … I have no idea. It’s this area’s lack of long term goals towards sustainability.
I’m now going to have to resist the urge to measure my other halves just to see if his is true
Brilliant post
So that’s all we have to look forward to???
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
you were right…
I am no scared for life!!!
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s one I won’t forget. Yuk!
It’s weird – I’ve never seen a single solar panel ever in FL – thought it might be hurricane related or something!