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It’s amazing what you can learn on the Twitter these days.

Want to know what the weather is like on the other side of the world? Ask Twitter. Want to know how to cook the best tasting carrot and coriander soup? Or how to bake bread? Or get updates on the conflict in Libya? Or find out radioactive levels in Japan? Seek the answers on Twitter and you shall receive.

The other night, myself and a couple of fellow Twits @coffeecurls @cafebebe @plus2point4 … erm … happen to seek fashion advice for the upcoming glorious summer we’re set to have here in the UK this year on Twitter. *cough, cough* We turned to none other than the high priestess of Twitter herself … @nickie72… who it seems is quite the oracle of fashion.

Who knew?

It’s taken me a while, but after combing through the endless stream of her fashion related tweets … thankfully there was no mention of that horrible movie, the Human Centipede during our exchange *shudders at the very thought* … the following are what I consider to be @nickie72‘s key pieces of advice on looking your very best this summer.

And, *whispers* I apologise in advance for unleashing them all on you, but I just couldn’t help myself …

  • There are very rare times that a camel toe or as we prefer to call it these days … a screaming cat … is appropriate for the summer … one of them is when you have matching sandals.
  • Long hair as well as all hair will always be there.
  • Hot pants are in but only to be worn if it’s cold … be sure to wear cold pants when it’s hot though.
  • White stilettos will be in along with other colours and other shoes.
  • Gloves can be worn on the feet but only in emergency situations.
  • The Dalek look is out this summer, however, all other clothes such as tops, trousers, skirts, shoes are most definitely ‘in.”
  • Easter bonnets rather than fascinators are in for this year’s summer weddings.
  • Prints, plains and sometimes stripes will be in.
  • Even zebra stripes on the odd occasion are in this summer.
  • Uggs will still be in, but only if they have collapsed at the back.
  • Sadly, double tit syndrome is never in.
  • Neither is back fat.
  • It is in, however, to laugh your tits off, but only if you can afford to lose a few inches.

So, there you have it … remember, you read it here first … how to look hot or is it how to look a hot mess this summer. Right, I’m off to match up my camel toe with some sparkly sandals I just got.

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Disclaimer: This blog post is a joke. I am in no way responsible or liable for your hotness or lack thereof this summer. ;)