Archive | May, 2011

Meet Billy …

31 May

We have a new addition to our household this half-term.

He’s called Billy.

When I went to pick my youngest up from nursery last week, his teacher asked if it was all right for us to watch the class mascot over the school holiday.  Expecting it to be a class pet, ie a hamster or lizard or some other creature, I agreed.

Imagine my shock and horror when I was presented with this dude …

Eek!

Dolls scare me.

I never played with them when I was a little girl and I have no desire to play with them now.  I had visions of Chuckie long before the movie about a doll gone mental was made. 

But, the little guy loves him so Billy has been going everywhere with us, he sits at the table with us, he gets his teeth brushed and his hair styled with my Elnet hairspray, we have to put his pajamas on him at night  and get him dressed in the morning.  I’m not sure how he is going to fare at the beach today — we shall have to see.

Anyway, it’s obviously been all fun, fun, fun round here. 

Not.

Billy is giving me serious nightmares.  Especially now the boys know they can tease me with him.  Sweet baby Jesus, hold me now.

Musical Monday … Memorial Day

30 May

Private …

28 May

Due to some recent crappy developments in my life, I’ve been forced to make my whole blog private for a while.

He’s just too shy, shy …

26 May

Editor’s note: This may or may not be my last blog post as my son is so gonna kill me when he finds out I blogged it.  Anyway, it’s been real.  So long. Maybe. x

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So, my teenager confessed to me the other day that there’s this girl he likes at school … but he’s too shy to ask her out

I know, I know.

How cute.

Everybody say, awwwwww.

Anyway,  just like every other average, loving and interested parent who just so happens to behave like a giggling 14-year-old girl in these instances, I’ve been offering him a little advice.

Advice … bahahahaha … let’s just say I loosely call it that, but the fact remains that I was 14 once so I can relate a little, right?

When he gets home from school, I’ve kinda been irritating the hell out of him by pumping him with questions about his day.  These questions just so happen to be peppered with inquiries about said girl because I’m nosey like that.  I ask things like if he saw her, did he sit with her at lunch, did he smile at her, did she bat her eyes at him, did he ask her out, etc. etc. 

Annoying much? 

I know. 

Then he gives me the eyes rolling and the huffing and puffing, but I still ask … ye know, because after all, I am 14 and all.

Part of my advice is to tell him that he has to let her know that he actually likes her.  He doesn’t really like this idea as he’s admitted to being a bit tongue-tied around her.  Instead, I’ve been giving him some great, cheesy pick-ups line to feed her … because it’s every girl’s dream to be courted in this fashion, right? 

And, they do quite often work. *snort*

Here’s a few of them …

  • Somebody better call God cos he’s missing an angel.
  • Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
  • Excuse me, but I think I dropped something … MY JAW.
  • I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your house?
  • If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
  • My lips are skittles, wanna taste the rainbow?

And, my own personal favourite …

  • Is your dad a terrorist because you are da bomb.

I try to insist that these lines would totally have worked on me back in the day so surely they would work on her?  For some reason he’s not buying it because he has the cheek and audacity to scoff.  How very dare he? 

Hopefully, one of these days he’ll get the courage up to tell her how he feels, but until then I’ll keep embarrassing him because that’s my job as a parent and, after all, I am 14 and all. 

And, if you happen to have any class pick-up lines you’d like to offer, please do leave them in the comments.  I do enjoy a good giggle because after all, I am 14 and all.

The Gallery … My Backyard

25 May

So, when I saw this week’s theme for the Gallery, I peered out at the back garden of this house I’m renting and groaned to myself, no blooming way am I taking part because my backyard is just awful. 

Awful, I tell you. 

You see, I’m in a sort of stalemate with the arsehole landlords who were supposed to have a gardener come and clear it all before I moved in.  Five months later and I am still waiting, but that’s another blog post.

Anyway, whilst I was on a walk along the seafront the other morning, I decided it was more so my backyard than the scuzzy garden I’m dealing with right now.  I ended up snapping this photo and thought it perfect for the theme  …  so, hey y’all … welcome to my backyard.

Musical Monday … Heartbeat

22 May

Every time I’ve been shopping in H & M lately, I’ve heard this song playing.  And, I really, really liked it, however, I would kinda get distracted by shiny bright objects in there and forget about finding out who it was by or what it was called.

Well, I was in there this weekend because I’ve been just a little obsessed with purchasing one of these 70′s style pantsuits that are all the rage and I thought it would make a perfect outfit for my pal’s 40th birthday coming up.   Like I needed an excuse to shop, right?

Let it be said, that H & M’s playlist is predictable if nothing else because the song came on when I was trying on said outift in the changing room…

so I gave it the bounce test to the music … my sister knows what I’m talking about here … heh!  Oh, how I am missing our annual bikini shop this year.  The laughs, the giggles and just wrongness of it all!   I took this photo to send to my friends to ask their fashion advice — most responded with a yeah, but I did get one nay from my BFF.  Whatever, coz it passed the test and so I bought it *whispers* and I never want to take it off. 

Anyway, the song is called Heartbeat and it’s by Enrique Iglesias and Nicole Sherthingymabob and it’s just loverly. 

*sigh*

Enjoy and feel free to partake in your own … erm … bounce test while listening to it.

I saw you talking on the phone
I know that you are not alone
But you steal my heart away
Yeah you steal my heart away

You’re acting like you’re on your own
But I saw you standing with a girl
Stop tryn’ to steal my heart away,
Stop tryn’ to steal my heart away

I don’t know where we going
I don’t know who we are

I can feel your heartbeat x2
He said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
Running through me
Feel your heartbeat
She said
I can feel your heartbeat
She said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
She said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
She said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
Running through me
Heartbeat
Feel your heartbeat

Maybe it’s the way you move
You got me dreaming like a fool
That I can steal your heart away
I can steal your heart away

No matter what it is you think
I’m not the kind of girl you think
And give my heart away
Stop tryin’ steal my heart away

I don’t know where we going
I don’t know who we are

I can feel your heartbeat
He said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
He said to me

I can feel your heartbeat
Running through me
Heartbeat
Feel your heartbeat
She said
I can feel your heartbeat
She said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
She said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
Running through me

Stop stealing my heart away x3
You’re stealing my heart away

I don’t know where we going
I don’t know who we are
Feels like we are flowing
High above the stars, the stars, the stars, the stars

I can feel your heartbeat
He said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
He said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
Running through me
I can feel your heartbeat
She said
I can feel your heartbeat
She said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
She said to me
I can feel your heartbeat
Running through me
Heartbeat
Feel your heartbeat

Stop stealing my heart away
Talk to me girl
Stop stealing my heart away
Give it to me boy
Stop stealing my heart away
Say it to me girl
You’re stealing my heart away

Stop stealing my heart away x3
Your heartbeat.

Silent Sunday …

22 May

 Silent Sunday

How annoying am I?

19 May

 

Well?

How annoying am I?

Go on then, tell me.

*whispers* If you dare

On second thoughts, you don’t really have to answer that because I already know how irritating I am and I owe it all to blame him over at Minutes of Mayhem for posting this fucking quiz on his Facebook page.   Trust the good old people over at NPR to make a nice, civilized test of it so you can find out exactly on a scale of 1 to 5 how annoying you are. 

Mine was a*cough, cough* 3.63.

I know, right?  I couldn’t believe it either.  Okay, okay … so I know I can be a  teeny, tiny bit full-on at times and maybe a little too hyper and chatty and I’m prone to both blonde and princess moments, but come on … I’m not that bad. 

Am I? 

Am I? 

Well, am I?

Why don’t you go take the quiz and come back and tell me what your score was and then bite me.

Laminated List … the 2011 update

17 May

It’s that time again folks.

What’s that, you ask? 

Time for an updated laminated list.

What’s a laminated list you may ask?  It’s basically, a list of the top five celebrities, with whom you could … ahem … do the deed with without repercussions, if the opportunity arose, regardless of whether you were in a relationship or not.

As in the infamous Friends episode

And, before I talk anymore nonsense with myself, I give you my top five … of the moment …

Jon Hamm from Mad Men … how long do I have to wait till the new series starts?  How freaking long?  I’m really not the most patient person, ye know. 

James Franco … how I do love thee, but sorry I shall not be watching your latest movie as I think it will freak me out just a bit … I shall save myself for your next.

*sigh* Bradley Cooper, I’ve been a big fan of your abs since your days on Alias.

Josh Charles from one of my favourite shows right now, The Good Wife … I can only describe him as in the words of Stacy from Gavin & Stacy, “oh, he’s well lush, he is.”

Last, but not least, Colin Firth because … seriously, right now the dude is perfect, right?  I mean, he can do no wrong … he is Mr. Darcy after all.

And, now I’m tagging everybody to do an update of their list … just leave me a comment to let me know you’ve done it and I’ll pop by and check it out.

Time for another exciting chapter of “People Google the Strangest Stuff …”

16 May

To the person that googled “Karen’s bed head” — oh-kay, how did you know?  Erm, are you like looking in my windows now?  *looks around uncomfortably and goes off to shut curtains and brush and flat-iron hair for millionth time today*

To the person that googled “hot chav girls legs” — umm, thanks … I guess.

To the person that googled “my sexy mom” — WTF? Kids get the hell off the internet.

To the person that googled “Jon Hamm toast” — what the feck were you looking for? I mean, is there a piece of toast out there in the image of Jon Hamm?  Actually, let me go google that and find out.

To the person that googled “bean dip fart” — yes, my bean dip does make you fart, but it’s worth it.

To the person that googled “is the expression hot as balls true” — yes, apparently so.  I have it on very good authority.  *cough, cough*

To the person that googled “does jelly go in trifle” — NO IT FUCKING DOESN’T.  At least not if you want to make it the proper way. Welcome.

To the person who googled “Bradley Cooper’s abs” — yes, I admit they are rather nice to look at over and over.  Did you find them?  If so, can you pass on the link?  Ta.

To the person who googled “can walking throw your back out” — ummmm, last time I walked, no it didn’t, but best check with your doctor just in case.

To the person who googled “please eat me” — what the what?

To the person who googled “it’s heaven having you” — awww, why thank you.  Glad I could be of service.

To the person who googled “wildflower waving to me from a field” — dude, what were you smoking?

To the person who googled “hot balls” — my advice is change your underwear, okay?

To the person who googled “chav makeup” — cock off.

To the person who googled “chav hair”  — yeah, see above.

To the person who googled “best camel toe” — move along coz you will not find any of that nor any moose knuckle here thank you very much.  Let me direct you over to Nickie’s blog for that.

To the person who googled “camel toe hot pants” — see above.

To the person who googled “snotty nose” — just fecking wipe it already.

To the person who googled “hot chav woman look” — really?

To the person who googled “nekid rednecks” — *shudders at the thought*

To the person who googled “weenie photos” — I have no words.

To the person who googled “bacon butties” — yes, please.

To the person who googled “hot chav in clothes” — oh, for goodness sake.

To the person who googled “tear on a little boy’s face” — eh?  Why?  Huh?

To the person who googled “smash the back doors in” — are you a fan of Keith Lemon too? It’s a great line isn’t it?  Hope you smashed the back doors in on your googling session.

And, to the person who googled “hot chav mums camping sex” — ummmm, what on earth were YOU looking for?  Perv.  Tsk, tsk.  Actually, was it good for you?

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