Tags

, , , ,

Dictionary.com’s first definition of the word “want” is the following …

to feel a need or a desire for; wish for

These days, I have a need, a desire and a wish for many things and I am finding myself just a little preoccupied with them.

And, moreover, wondering is it okay to want for something?

*sigh*

Maybe I’m feeling this way because I’ve gone so long without my usual creature comforts. Or, maybe it’s because I’m used to having to justify my want because the motives behind them were always questioned. This mindset obviously has me doing a wants vs. needs analysis in my head. In the grand scheme of things, I really want for nothing, but … in the grand scheme of things … I want for everything too …

I want a home. A place that’s just mine … with a room for each of my boys … and a view of something beautiful for me.

I want a car that I don’t have to worry about every sound it makes or the lights that come on or how much it costs me to fill it with petrol or I want to live somewhere that I don’t have to worry about owning a car.

I want my big, California king bed.

I want to write a best selling novel.

I want Ryan Gosling.

I want a holiday.

I want so much for my children … to be able to provide the best of everything for them … so they can go to university and be smart and succesful and happy and fulfilled and healthy. I want them to just be happy.

I want *whispers* to be adored.

I want to want someone so much that it hurts in places that I never thought it could.

I want some mustard yellow shoes.

And, a navy striped dress.

Do I need all these things to survive? Nah. Probably not. Much. Is it okay to want them? I think so. It makes me normal, right? Do I have to justify wanting them? No, because my wants are mostly for me. They are not about trying to impress anyone, but myself, thank you very much.

I think I’m over thinking it all, as is my usual way. Tis the curse of being a Virgo. Fuck it, I say … I want the yellow shoes so I shall have the shoes, but the rest may have to wait.

Erm, is that okay?